Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
