I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
