they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
