Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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