I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
