i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
