You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
