God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
