why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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