two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Farmville is her only friend.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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