Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
In America we eat man semen.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
