So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
