sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
