yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
