Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
