I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
