You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
