I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
