By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
