so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
