She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
