420 ftw
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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