It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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