The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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