I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize