That's intense
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize