i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
