what day is it and did you see me today?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this just has baby written all over it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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