Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
