Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
