so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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