Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize