So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
