I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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