my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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