I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
