Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
