My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
