Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
