I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
