Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
