he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
