I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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