You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have post one night stand depression
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