Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
