im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
