she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
