I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
