your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize