she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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