You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
