and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
