Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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