Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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