I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drunk is not a location!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
