she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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