After last night, I could never be a politician.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
