I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
