I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My bed smells like the plague
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