After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
