there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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