Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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