Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
