would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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