He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
