I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
