I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
