Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
