thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
