I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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