My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
